Into the inmost cave

Dear Me,

I am here again after a year. If you have the patience to read through my past letters, feel free to

The magic of turning 30 has come and gone. The struggles of the last year still persist. Honestly, I’m reluctant to revisit them, but instead, I want to share where I am now. I’m still on a quest for life, for meaning, for it all. A year or two ago, I read “The hero with a thousand faces”, a book recommended by my mentor. It talks about the hero’s journey, which consists of three main stages and twelve substages. The stages are Departure (the call to change), Initiation (facing challenges and growth), and Return (transformation and mastery).

The Departure stage has five substages, and I feel like I’ve overcome them all. The Initiation stage has four substages, and I’m currently in stage seven. Stage six was about defining enemies and allies, passing tests, and moving forward. Now, stage seven is “Approach to the inmost cave-facing deep-rooted barriers”. And I find myself here, facing my deepest fears and insecurities.

It’s a constant internal battle. The kind where you can’t stop thinking, what if…? And it’s hard to decide: Do I move forward or retreat? Sometimes, the pain of questioning my identity makes me want to withdraw. But then I look back at how far I’ve come and all that I’ve overcome. And that gives me the courage to keep going. I return to my inmost cave, because all the answers are hidden there. I remind myself to be patient. Yes, the cave is dark, and I am alone inside. The keys I find may not open the doors I want them to. And yet, the cycle of what if… repeats itself.

This is perhaps the darkest stage of the journey. But I am grateful to be here. The self-reflection and mindfulness I’ve gained this year have taught me so much about who I am, and for that, I’m thankful to psychology - and to the people who have been my “allies” along the way. (Here special thanks go to my mentors)

The journey continues, with more struggles ahead. But the new version of me is ready to embrace whatever comes next.

Let’s finish here.

Dear me,

Please be strong. Don’t worry about the future. The people, the experiences, and the love that are meant for you will find you at the right time. Be patient. Give yourself time to bloom.

And most importantly, never forget to live life to the fullest.

With love, Happy birthday!