Everything started so
simple. At first none of us thought about it. When we faced the reality, we
even denied it. “Life is unexpected”. I always remember his sentence when I
look at back and immediately smile comes to my face.
There is someone in somewhere of the world and waiting for the right time to come to your life. You never imagine that it can happen. But it happens. Surprisingly, when it happens you just say I knew it would happen.
It was same with me.
It doesn’t matter how
much you deny the truth, truth won’t change. On the contrary, it will be
bitter. So, it is better to accept
whatever life gives you.
This is the first stage.
After that there is second stage which I name it “recognition”. You start to
know him, and he start to know you. It can take up to 1.5 years depending on
your personality. Actually, to know someone takes whole life and never ends as
human beings are the most mysterious creatures. But here we talk about
generally knowing.
Making eye contact is
very important in relationships. It is not said in vain that eyes are doorway
to our heart. If you cant make long eye contact, it is not good idea at all to
go to next stage. Because long eye contact means everything is fine with your
relationship. For me, looking at his eyes is all. When I do this, I see the
world through his eyes, I find the peace which I was looking for my whole life.
It is the greatest thing in the first stage of relationship.
Next stage is also
“recognition”. But in this stage, you start to know and learn yourself, real
yourself. True love is able to reveal your original personality. When you are
with him, you show yourself as the way you are. It happens with no one else.
So, this is the only chance for you to be aware of your character. I love this
stage more than others. How you uncover yourself with him? Let me tell you. Psychology
says life is 30% what happens to us and 70% how we react to it. I think, it is
valid for relationships too. When you communicate with him your answers define
your personality. In every fight you learn something new about yourself. When
one of us is in trouble his or her reaction tells a lot. I don’t talk about
doing something. It is other topic. Just reaction says much. Later when you
analyze your answers you get your mistakes, your shortcomings. That’s why
psychology says fighting and arguing make relationship stronger.
Last stage is “maturity”.
Unfortunately, most couples don’t come until this stage. Whoever passes, it
means their relationship is complete, mature, perfect, whatever you call it. how
you define this stage? So simple. You can predict his reactions easily, you
know what he wants, what he feels, what he will say, what he needs and etc. If
you can foretell these things, it means you have mature relationship.
There is one more thing I
want to add. Freud described this process as “internalization”. When we love someone, they become part of
us. When we love someone, we imitate
them, gradually we become them. Their beliefs, feelings and attitudes become
ours. Expressions like “my better half’, “my soul” come from here.
At the end, I wish all of
you find your “better half”.
From Humay with
Love…
January 9, 2021.
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